Get Me Out of Here! by Andy McNab

Author:Andy McNab
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic UK
Published: 2019-11-19T16:00:00+00:00

I look inside, frowning. I’ve never seen a dock leaf in my life, but these look a bit, I don’t know, spiky… “Mate, are you sure these are the right ones?”

I ask.

The hand gives me a thumbs-up.

“Did you check with Geri?”

Two hands appear, both of them giving me a thumb.

I wonder why he’s not talking any more, then a wave of embarrassment hits me: it must be the smell. It’s obviously killing him, and I feel so ashamed but also grateful that my mate would do this for me that I shove my hand into the bag and instantly thrust the leaves against my bum.

What a relief. I’ll be out in seconds… Nearly done. Nearly…

“AAAAAARGHHHHHHHH!”

I don’t what starts to sting first, my hand or my bum, in fact, it doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that I’m in pain. Red-hot agony. Agony that cannot be ignored. In a second I’m on my feet with the bucket lying on its side, and it’s all my fault. Not that I care – all I care about is the fact that my bum (and my hand) is on fire, and unless I find water, quickly, someone is going to have to call Fireman Sam.

Without thinking, I dash from the tent, not knowing, never mind caring, that my trousers are still round my ankles.

I waddle in circles, falling occasionally, squealing repeatedly for WATER!

There are gasps, cries and laughter. And of course, who is laughing loudest?

Not Giraffles, cos he’s just appeared out of the trees, looking shocked, clutching a load of leaves so soft they sort of look like they’re made of kitten fur.

It’s Dylan. Laughing so loud he’s bent double, wheezing.

And where is he standing? Right by the toilet tent, him and the hairy hands that passed me the bag in the first place.

I want to hurt him. I want to humiliate him. I want to…

STOP MY BUM FROM BURNING!

So, as much as it pains me, I ignore my toe-rag of a brother, and go running in the direction of Miss D, who by now, seems to be trembling. And covering her eyes.

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